Daddy's Coming Honey!



Be Nice to Me. My Wife is Pregnant.

My Wife is Pregnant

In case you didn’t know, my wife is pregnant. It’s been about 9 weeks now. She has her good days and her bad days. Sounds like what you tell people when your spouse has cancer. My wife has strange cravings. Then she gets nauseous. She’s tired more often. Gets short with people more easily. Cries for no reason while eating pancakes. Has to buy new clothes. It’s a hassle. But that’s what you get for feeding your husband the forbidden fruit, right? I would like to say the hard part’s over, but I’ve seen footage of women in labor. Not true. Not true.

So be nice to my wife. This should always be the case, with all people. But pregnant women are undergoing a tremendously burdensome change in their life, bringing life itself into the world. And for that we praise them. Let’s take a moment to praise all women for merely being able to perform such a feat. Of course, the Creator formed them in such a way, from the very flesh of a being who, alas, can not do what they do. So praise the Creator above all things.

Be nice to me as well. Remember, I have to put up with all of her shenanigans. I fix her breakfast and wonder if she’ll eat it. Eat her leftovers. Tell her she’s a great mother already. Tell her she’s still beautiful, because she is. Get her tissues when she cries. Tells her she looks great in hew new clothes. Tells her she’s excused from the guilt that hits her after she yells at me. After all, I married a virtuous woman, and even in her worst moments I’d rather be with her than some contentious ho-bag. And I picked a swell mother too. And by that I mean her. My momma is swell, but I didn’t pick her. I just got lucky. Ok, well, lucky on both counts.

So be nice to me.  My wife is pregnant.  I should get free stuff.

And by the way, which of these should be our pregnancy photo?
look out

Kitty Baby

Baby Pie?

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Comments

  1. * Sarah P says:

    Just thought Carrie might like to know that there are expandable pregnancy dresses. This should REALLY make her feel better about getting new clothes.

    | Reply Posted 6 years, 8 months ago


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