Daddy's Coming Honey!

The Year Of…

The Big Year

I had a lousy year. Tooth decay, stuck in career pause, death in the family, marriage in the family—ok, that was nice to see. I shall amend my statement. I had a lousy first of the year. The latter half was nice. Brother married, got a teaching job, found out I was going to be a dad.

Now we know its going to be a lad. And this is the year he emerges. Big year ahead.

My mother went and bought a Santa outfit for the child. Being as the child is not out here yet, you can guess that the outfit is for next year. It’s a classical Santa outfit, baby sized. I take a look at this thing, and it is huge. By next December our child will be almost 8 months old. I didn’t realize how big an 8-month-old could get. And I find myself echoing a trope often spoken by people with more gray hairs than colored hairs: They sure do grow up fast.

Will I really blink to see my child in a Santa suit, blink again to see it graduate high school, blink once more to see it married? This can’t be. We have a crisis on our hands. Time is moving too fast. In the past couple years I was convinced it moved too slowly. Now I stand corrected. Or sit, actually. I’m sitting at the moment.

Rumor has it they put strange hormones in food these days that make children grow up fast. If that’s the case, I think that’s the best argument for a completely organic diet. Keep your kids young. I mean we already got him a Santa outfit he can only wear once.

According to Victorian lithographer and chemist Drew Fairweather, this chart represents the growth of a child in stages.

I feel so old. My back aches. Get me a cup of water.


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