Daddy's Coming Honey!



On the benefits of a boy

On the nature of our child being a boy.

In case you didn’t know already, the being in my wife’s womb is a male. That’s exciting. I can hear the the “ooooooh”s now, as dozens of witnesses expect another me to come along. No matter what, I know it will have its mother’s eyes. Boys always have their mother’s eyes. It’s why girls fall in love with even the gruffest men. If they haven’t lost their heart they still have tender eyes.

I suppose we are that typical couple: I was looking more forward to a boy, she was looking more forward to a girl. But we both end up looking forward to having it join us no matter what, and the love will pour forth. That being said, I still decided to compile a working list of pros and cons of having a boy. Let us proceed:

Pros:

*Gender-speaking, it will reflect me, its father.
As said above, I would love this child if it were a girl, but male or female it is nice to find that passed on to your child.

*I won’t be swamped with estrogen.
 Nope. Instead, my wife will drown with testosterone. Pray for her.

*It’s cheaper.
Less outfits, lower phone bill, less to pay for when the wedding comes. That is, if our society’s norms don’t cosmically shift within the next decade or two.

*He can play with my old toys.

*We only have to have one awkward talk relating to growing up and sexuality.
Well, Carrie’s the only one who would have to have the other awkward talk if it was a girl.

*When it comes time to date, I’ll feel less stressed.
As hypocritical as it is, let’s face it, we feel more comfortable with sons dating than daughters. It shouldn’t be this way, but as I was raised in a generation who tended to think this way, I probably will as well. Were I to have a girl, I’d be more likely to sit on the porch cleaning my gun when the boy arrives. Now that I’m having a boy, I’m more likely to give him tips on how to pick up a girl. But don’t be mistaken—I’ll be just as stringent about him saving himself for that one as I would be with a girl. I hope. It should be that way.

*In our masculine society, he will carry on the family name. A girl can do that, as my wife did, which is fine, and if you have a problem with it you will not inherit the kingdom of Heaven, but its nice to know that a boy will by default carry that on from his pop.

Cons:

*He will be more gross.
That’s more Carrie’s problem. I’m used to grossness. I lived in a dorm once. A Phi Kappa dorm. I was there during the incident of the 2007 dorm evacuation. But boys are notoriously more gross than girls. As Jeff Foxworthy says, wives often have to discover their husband’s dirty underwear for the first time and proclaim “Oh, my, did you hit a deer?!”

*He is more likely to pee in my face when I’m changing his diaper.
File this under “he will be more gross.”

*He can’t play with (most of) Carrie’s old toys.

*He will be more likely to get in trouble. First of all, he’s a Guard. Secondly, he’s a Guard boy.

*Less drama.
I hope so. And yes, that’s chauvinistic of me. Will I apologize. Nope. Girls are more drama than boys. One hundred percent of the time. All the time.

Alright, look, I just can’t do this pro/con stuff. Having a baby is an adventure either way. It all evens out in the end. I’m missing a bunch of pros and cons several of you more experienced parents can reveal to me, but what you all will agree on is that the pros far outweigh the cons in both cases. It’s like when you ride that Two-headed dragon roller coaster and there’s two lines for two different tracks but on the other end of each you emerge with a smile on your face and puke on your shirt.

Can’t wait.

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Comments

  1. * Diane Tucker says:

    Another con: Boys also pull pranks which can pretty much go all the way through to college! Be ready for “history” to repeat itself……..it usually does. Lol!

    | Reply Posted 6 years, 11 months ago


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