Daddy's Coming Honey!



So…Still waiting…

So…um…Noah’s not here yet. We’ve been sitting around the house…just nesting and stuff…not much going on…

…Went for a walk, saw a water-bird, got in the creek, skipped rocks…

…I beat Uncharted 3 in four days…

…Did you see the Avengers? That was cool…

…Also saw Hunger Games. Wanna talk about it now?…

…The First Lady spoke at Tech; that was neat…

…What’s this whole “gay marriage” stink about anyway?…

…Mother’s Day was nice. Got to see my mommy…

…Um…., so, lovely weather we’re having…

Read one of the books my brother gave me, because he interpreted “I don’t want any parenting books” to mean “Please buy me like five parenting books.”

One of them is quite literally a list of questions a man’s son asked him and answers he retrieved from experts over the years, because, you see, “Father Knows Less”. Included in the book jacket was a list of questions Luke predicts little Noah will ask by the time he’s five years old.


Why does Grandpa make turkey noises?
Why does Cha-Chi laugh like that?
Why does Mi-Mi talk to dogs?
Why does Potsi speak a different language?
Why does Grandpa Ed not say much?
Why does Grandma Sheryl look so skinny?
Why am I taller than Aunt Laura?
Why is Unle Ookey so tall and hairy?
Why is Aunt Ashton’s belly so big? (in reference to her one day being pregnant, I was told to clarify)
Where does my poop go after I flush?
Is it true the government sucks?
What does fornicate mean?
What’s a serial killer?
Can I go out and play?
Why don’t we have a maid?
Do we have to go to church?
Can I have a cell phone?
Can I have a later curfew?
Can I have some money?
Do you like who I’m dating?

I will never have all the answers, and I won’t pretend to. Sometimes the best answer a father can give is “I don’t know.” Better for your son to know early you have limitations than to build for him a bronze idol of yourself that will later be smelted by the fires of his own coming-of-age trials. But that won’t stop me from fooling him every once in a while with tall tales, as my dad did for me.

Until then, the only question on our minds is the one on everyone else’s: When’s that baby coming?

Please stop asking. Clearly if we knew we wouldn’t be having this discussion.

So we celebrated Mother’s Day. And yes, Carrie is a mother, as she’s already doing some of the work. She’s not yet fully active; she’s on standby. So treat her with respect. Rise up early in the morning and call yer momma blessed. Because Noah will be doing that every two hours come time he arrives, and she’ll have all the chances she wants to show how blessed she is. That’s why Father’s Day isn’t too far in the future, because I have to wake up to and be a blessing. I know it’ll be worth it. He’s my blessing too.

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